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Homosexual Minister ‘Cured’ of Gayness!

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007 at 10:30 by RJ Barker

American Reverend, Ted Haggard (also known as Pastor Ted and well known for his condemnation of Homosexuals) resigned from his job on November 3, 2006 following revelations of a three year long affair with a Rent Boy.  There were also reports that Pastor Ted had been hoovering up crystal meth.

Despite rumours prior to Pastor Ted’s resignation, Rev Haggard had always claimed such things were all Greek to him.  But eventually Pastor Ted gave up his place as the leader of The National Association of Evangelicals and found himself entering the back end of his career.

Thankfully, in a victory for “right thinking” types, Pastor Ted, has now been cured of his unbiblical urgings and is ‘Completely heterosexual’.  The Rev has been on an intensive counselling bender involving three weeks of definitely not being gay.  And this wasn’t too hard, an investigation by the oversight committee found no proof that Pastor Ted had been involved in any homosexual encounters apart from the three year long one with the male prostitute.

So they only had a little bit of gay to cure.

The Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post, “If we’re going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly.” He went on to say ”We’re into this thing over 90 days and it hasn’t happened”.

Pastor Ted has now chosen to move with his family and wife Gayle to either Iowa or Missouri where he will continue to lead a life full of not being gay. I send Pastor Ted my best wishes and hope he’s back in the saddle and screaming from the Pulpit as soon as possible.

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2 Comments on “Homosexual Minister ‘Cured’ of Gayness!”

  1. Stephen Ball Says:

    Some of the quotes from this one are making me want to commit violent crime.
    “After 3 weeks of counselling, Ted Haggard is now completely heterosexual.” Oh, that’s nice. He’s been ‘cured’ through the power of Jesus. “Ah have cast OUT tha deemons…” etc.

    You definitely win this week’s prize for “found himself entering the back end of his career”!

  2. grump humper Says:

    bravo! happy Ted. keep up the good work

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