June 28th
home arts/entertainment business/finance politics/current affairs science/technology sport/leisure other

Politics/Current Affairs

Cities Earn £6M Worth of Respect

Monday, January 22nd, 2007 at 17:24 by Rhys Wilcox

After a spate of new policies being announced to deal with issues without actually doing anything about them[1], the Government has come up with another dubious scheme to address antisocial behaviour and cut the number of ASBOs before they finally replace Pokemon as the playground trading card of choice.

40 cities[2] suffering from antisocial behaviour problems have been labelled as ‘Respect Zones’. Their councils will benefit from £6M additional funding to put on things like parenting classes and host meetings where the police and public can work out why we can’t all just get along.

However, this is all in the wake of discovering that about half of last year’s ASBOs were breached and, according to shadow police minister, Nick Herbert, “The government has cut 4,000 promised police community support officers from the forces covering these so-called ‘respect areas’.”

Tony Blair’s ‘respect minister’, Louise Casey, said solving the problem was a case of pointing people in the right direction on how to deal with, “the really, really difficult people in our communities.”

The next class up helps us deal with the really, really, REALLY, difficult people in our community. You know, the ones who urinate on your garden fence and then wave a Stanley knife in your face if you say anything.

As part of the announcement, Blair took a trip to Brighton to tell the locals in person that their city was taking part and, therefore an official festering hole of human detritus.

He said part of the problem was that a few families weren’t raising their children properly and that they were making people’s lives “hell”. He then reckoned that he was, “not demonising them.” Of course not, it is a bit tenuous to associate ‘demons’ with ‘hell’ isn’t it?

So, we’ll have to wait and see if this initiative is supposed to empower the poor sods living in “hell” or, more likely, be a wasted effort on the sort of silly sods who go running in front of trains.

 - Additional years of compulsory schooling

 - Singing instead of learning

 - Shaving the corners of judicial process

[2]The list. Is your city innit?
Birmingham, Blackburn, Blackpool, Bolton, Bournemouth, Brighton, Bradford, Bristol, Burnley, Coventry, Derby, Doncaster, Exeter, Gloucester, Harlow, Hastings, Ipswich, Kingston upon Hull, Kirklees, Knowsley, Leeds, Leicester, Liverpool, Manchester, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Norwich, Nottingham, Oldham, Plymouth, Portsmouth, Salford, Sandwell, Sheffield, South Tyneside, Southampton, Southend on Sea, Sunderland, Wakefield, Wirral.

Keywords: , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments on “Cities Earn £6M Worth of Respect”

  1. Ellen Says:

    Of course, that well-known city of Kirklees… I was looking for Huddersfield, having grown up there and knowing what complete and utter holes the council estates are there. I suppose they figure the rest of the Kirklees metropolitan area (it’s a council, folks, not a city, no matter how much it sprawls into Leeds, Halifax and Bradford…) is just as bad.

  2. Sharon Says:

    Hey, does that mean that areas not on the list are officially Disrespect areas?

    & does this face look bovvered?

    Otherwise it looks like they’ve included most of the major cities in England. Hmmm, correlation between city life & antisocial behaviour anyone?

Leave your Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Build Your Own Website
Easy Website Builder

 © 2006 - 2007 The Slant.co.uk home | arts/entertainment | business/finance | politics/current affairs | science/technology | sport/leisure | other