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How to Say You’re Redundant

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007 at 13:06 by Eliza E. Lanyard

Apparently greetings card industry in Britain has a market worth over 1.2 billion pounds a year.  That’s an awful lot of birthday, anniversary, sorry you’re leaving and congratulations on losing your virginity cards.

Sadly the Greetings Card Group has not maintained its market share and 2,500 of its employees are at risk of redundancy if the business cannot be sold as a going concern.

The administrators were called in at the beginning of January as the company has 30 millions pounds worth of debt (makes my credit card bill look like a tear drop in an ocean) and could not reach an agreement with its creditors.

While we are yet to confirm the veracity of our sources, we believe the following to be a draft of the redundancy notice that will be sent to affected employees should the worst happen:

We’re Sad To Say
That From This Day
Your Services Are
No Longer Required
But Have No Fear
You’ll Be Leaving Here
With Six Months Of
Redundancy Pay
And All The Greetings
Cards You Can Carry


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3 Comments on “How to Say You’re Redundant”

  1. Jislizard Says:

    I blame this on the breakdown of the extended family unit, no one is sending cards any more!

    I’ve done my bit for them though, I waited until after christmas and then bought a ton of cards, it’s you people that only buy them at Christmas that are ruining the industry. (and they were all half price, how cool is that?)

  2. Rhys Wilcox Says:

    There’s just not enough celebratory days in the year anymore, are there? If we could institute a ‘Happy Wednesday’ this dishevelled industry could be saved.

  3. Eliza E. Lanyard Says:

    Indeed or maybe a Happy Birthday from your dog/cat/pet lizard type card.

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