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OJ - “I Did It!”

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 09:08 by RJ Barker

Details have been leaked from the unpublished book by the world’s most innocent celebrity, OJ Simpson, on just how he did not MURDER HIS WIFE.

We all know that OJ wrote a book called ‘If I did it’, an account of what would have happened if he had MURDERED HIS EX-WIFE, NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON AND HER FRIEND RONALD GOLDMAN ON JUNE 12 1994. Not that he knows of course, it’s just a guess, a ‘hypothetical’ re-telling of how he did not COMMIT MURDER. Or maybe it’s a re-imaging, that’s always popular among Hollywood types. The leaked chapter described events just prior to and just after the events where OJ didn’t MURDER HIS EX-WIFE, NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON AND HER FRIEND RONALD GOLDMAN ON JUNE 12 1994.

Newsweek magazine says the details are as follows - Simpson describes how he was infuriated by his ex-wife’s behaviour and decided to visit her. Although obviously he wasn’t because he didn’t do anything. He then didn’t park in an alleyway behind her apartment and, in an attempt to put the frighteners on her, he didn’t put on some gloves because we all know they didn’t fit so that proves he did not MURDER HIS EX-WIFE AND HER FRIEND RONALD GOLDMAN and he didn’t put on a woollen hat either. Newsweek’s extract then goes on to tell us OJ entered through the back gate, he met Goldman, who was returning a pair of glasses left at a restaurant. Simpson was rumbled to the fact Ronald and his ex-wife may be more than friends as her dog seemed suspiciously friendly towards Goldman[1].

Just at the point where Simpson’s ex-wife has come at him screaming then fallen over and hit her head and Ronald Goldman has assumed a Karate position Simpson says - “Then something went horribly wrong. I know what happened, but I can’t tell you exactly how.” Next thing he knows he’s drenched in blood and like any good innocent person he manages to make the clothes and knife vanish.

Of course, since this is a leak, there’s no real way of knowing if it’s the real deal or not, certainly it would take a new kind of stupid to write this sort of thing down. So we will remain neutral on this and state this in no way proves that OJ SIMPSON MURDERED HIS EX-WIFE, NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON AND HER FRIEND RONALD GOLDMAN ON JUNE 12 1994.

Although I should imagine law enforcement officials are at least curious to read the chapter called “how someone might have hidden the clothes and knife if they did do it which I didn’t and don’t know where they are as I didn’t do it”

Hush, hush and on the QT…

 

1. What’s that Lassie? You think I should‚?¶.

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2 Comments on “OJ - “I Did It!””

  1. Sue Stewart Says:

    I’m a bit late tuning in - but I can’t help wondering where the leak came from.

    Bearing in mind that Rupert Murdoch, no less, thought this book would cause so much trouble he not only cancelled the interview that was to be aired about it, he cancelled the whole deal, went on to sack its publisher Judith Regan (for making anti-Semitic comments, allegedly) and is even removing the imprint he gave her to run, ReganBooks, from the face of the earth. Well, from the face of Harper Collins at least.

    Oh, hang on -’ “The publication of O.J. Simpson’s controversial book, “If I Did It,” was canceled, but an attorney for Simpson tells ABC News they are shopping another book, this time a nonfiction account of his life with his ex-wife. (Sam Mircovich/ Reuters )”. ‘ No such thing as bad publicity, eh?

  2. fiona Says:

    where’s the grassy knoll……?

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