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Early Humans In Rush For Our Jobs

Sunday, January 14th, 2007 at 12:33 by Eliza E. Lanyard

Startling new evidence found by archaeologists working on the southern outskirts of Moscow proves that human immigration from Western Asia into the European Continent began over 45,000 years ago. Its not clear what prompted the move but some have hypothesised that it was the attractiveness of the benefit system and availability of wattle and daub housing that caused the influx.
“These early immigrants brough with them their own distinct type of artefacts which suggest that integration and multiculturalism have had a long history of failure and the sooner they are sent back to where they came from the better’” said Dr RW Bollox of The Institute of Kneejerk Nimbyism and Classical Dance whilst wiping froth from the corner of his mouth.

Other academics (with real qualifications from real universities and not made up ones for the sake of easy point scoring) have said that this is an exciting discovery which throws into doubt the previously held belief that early modern humans entered the continent via Bulgaria and Greece around 44,000 years ago.
Professor John Hoffecker of the University of Colorado said that the finds “suggest at the very least that we have an alternate route for modern humans into Europe - perhaps this being the earliest one.” 
Fossil records - the bane of creationists life - show that modern humans first emerged in Sub Saharan Africa around 200,000 years ago with migration to other land masses beginning around 50-60,000 years ago.

The theory that they were after our jobs, schools, housing and benefits is easily disproven as none of those things existed at the time.

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