August 17th
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Peter Jackson To Make “Dambusters”

Saturday, September 2nd, 2006 at 13:42 by Stephen Ball

Peter Jackson, director of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, King Kong and zombie gore-fest ‘Braindead’ (which never seems to get enough publicity) has announced that his next project will be a remake of the British WW2 movie “The Dam Busters”.

He originally tried to secure the rights to it in the 1990s, but Mel Gibson’s Icon company had them. Gibson didn’t make the film (which is not so surprising given his recent actions suggest he thought the Nazis had the right idea  - sorry, legal Ed!) and Jackson will now produce it. Filming will start next year.

Jackson says that details of the mission and the bouncing bombs (designed to destroy German dams) were still classified when the first movie was made in 1954, and this remake will be able to use them while trying to stay very close to the feel and story of the original.

Bizarrely, the animator from ‘King Kong’ will be directing. Expect to see German anti-aircraft guns being neutralised by mounted knights and war elephants, while a giant ape takes care of the incoming Messerschmitts. …Actually, I’d watch that movie.

Educational section
Here at The Slant, we like to be both informative and educational. “Mature” is way down the list, so included below are the instructions for young people to get the maximum enjoyment from this upcoming movie event.
Hey kids! Get practicing early for the playground:  

1) Put your thumbs and forefingers together in two a-ok signs.
2) Bring the holes in the middle up to eye-height.
3) Turn your other fingers (which should be spread out above the circles created by your thumb and first finger) back towards your head and down, so that your hands turn over and your elbows stick up.
4) Now put your fingertips on your cheeks and lever the circles up over your eyes.

Instant WW2 aviator goggles!

Traditional procedure is to then run around singing “DAH DAH DA DAAAAH, DADA DAH DAH….” while your elbows function as wings, which I bet everyone one million pounds they will not dare to ditch for a different theme in this new movie.

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2 Comments on “Peter Jackson To Make “Dambusters””

  1. Dibzva Says:

    I’m willing to take that bet - I think they’ll secure the, ahem… ‘talents’ of 50 Cent to write a song informing todays youngsters of the number of bitches that Barnes Wallis had at his beck and call.

    In addition to that, they’ll also have to change the title so’s not to offend viewers in America’s bigoted, blinkered yet hilariously amusing bible belt. Because we all know anyone going to a film with blasphemy and a reference to breasts in the title is gonna burn in hell!

    Aha, that million quid is mine already!


  2. Stephen Ball Says:

    I’d protest, but your ideas are all too likely. Dammit.

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