October 23rd
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Tom Cruise Dumped By Paramount

Thursday, August 24th, 2006 at 11:43 by Sarah Malaise

Paramount Pictures have ended their relationship with Tom Cruise after fourteen years.

Sumner Redstone, the improbably named chair of the studio‚??s parent company Viacom magnanimously told the Wall Street Journal “As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal‚?Ě.

In other words, Tom, ‚??It‚??s not you, it‚??s me.‚?Ě I bet that softens the blow of losing a $10 million retainer.

Paramount blamed their decision on Cruise‚??s recent erratic behaviour, or ‚??Scientology‚?Ě as it is less euphemistically described. Redstone believes the actor’s outspoken rants about love and childbirth and his damning comments about the dangers of psychiatry are responsible for disappointing¬†box office results.¬†Latest blockbuster¬†Mission: Impossible III has not done as well¬†as expected, though no-one seems to have considered the idea that this might just be because it’s not very good.

It seems film fans have finally fallen out of love with the diminutive¬†star after two decades as one of Hollywood‚??s most lucrative earners. His embarrassing courtship of column inches¬† Katie Holmes, his insistence that she remain silent during the birth of their daughter in accordance with his cult beliefs, and his outright¬†rejection of post-partum depression have knocked him off his coveted pin-up perch and onto the subs bench of Hollywood weirdos, alongside Mel Gibson and fellow Scientologist John Travolta.

Cruise‚??s behaviour has been described as ‚??professional suicide‚??, and while this is a bit premature I think it‚??s safe to say that his career is on a stomach pump in a side ward, awaiting a stiff talking to from one of those nice psychiatrist chaps he was so quick to dismiss.

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